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Thursday, 03 November 2011

  • Let me guess… she’s white.

    Or Asian. Either way, when I think a guy is attractive, most of the time, he seems to be interested in girls that aren’t black. I totally understand that white and asian women need love too; however, I’m tired of feeling like a second class citizen to women that are white or asian as far as beauty, personality, and general disposition goes.

    I really shouldn’t despise it, but sometimes I feel some type of way when I see black guys (the self same ones that get mad seeing a black woman with a man of another race… and he’s probably a friend) with women of other races. They’re usually white. If they aren’t white, they’re like asian, or they’re Hispanic and look white. It makes me mad only because these are the interracial relationships that I see the most. It’s not often that I’ve seen a black woman with a nice white man or a man of another race being treated like gold. I do kind of give them the squinted eye glance because I’m pissed off. I’m pissed off because white and asian women in this country will never have a shortage of mates. For one reason or another, they are more often seen as beautiful. 

    So what do the black women get as far as love and relationships? We get stuck with the world’s leftovers (most are psychotic, don’t want to commit, sociopathic, emotional f-wits, or are “experimenting” because they’ve never been with a black woman, and want to know what it’s like… I know. This is a run on sentence. You get the point, though. Men that don’t or can’t treasure us), and we’re supposed to accept this bitter fate. Well it’s no wonder that some of us are mad all the time! Yeah we might be a little loud at times, but it’s just the way some of us were raised. Not all of us, though… but every woman has her moments. Sometimes I like being loud because I can be. To heck with what anyone else thinks.

    And here’s another thing since I’m ranting: why do guys that don’t want a THING to do with Jesus notice me more than guys that supposedly love Jesus and want a good woman? Why is this?! And THOSE guys wonder why the good Christian women are nowhere to be found! Well you didn’t pay us any mind! We went where the love was. I’m sorry, but if we waited on some of these guys to notice us, we’d be old, infertile biddies… angry with God because of such a lonely fate lived with woodland creatures in a backwoods cottage. Yes. I went there.

    Look, say what you all want. I’m tired… and too poor to move away to France where men think I’m the bees’ knees. So there you go. So should I start collecting cats yet? *sigh*… I don’t know. I really shouldn’t. Mostly because I’m allergic, and this wouldn’t bode well with my respiratory system. I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m partial to breathing.

    What’s a single, Christian black woman to do? The only good thing about any of this is that I do have the freedom to move around since no one’s picking up my options, anyway. I can’t wait to go back to school. I think I’m just stuck and need to leave home. A change of scenery always changes a person’s outlook for the better. I’m just pissy because it’s taking too long(in my opinion) to get to where I want to go.

    *siggghhhh*

Saturday, 01 October 2011

  • I want to find a mate, but I don't want to date

    I hate the idea of dating. It seems like such an emotional drag... one that I've decided that I can't be bothered with. I would love to find a guy and everything... but I would love to do so in a way that skips over all of the emotional upheaval that goes with dating. People, society, parents... whatever... expect you to find a mate. You kind of want to find one yourself. But do they remember what it's like trying to find one??? I'm sorry, but they can kiss my royal behind. I can't deal with this foolishness! I hate admitting to it, but whenever it comes to stuff like this, I feel like throwing up my hands and exclaiming for all of the world to hear "I'M TOO YOUNG FOR THIS!!!!" It might not be true, but that's certainly how it feels.

    I never feel like an adult in any way, shape, or form when it comes to being involved with the opposite sex in a romantic sort of way. I feel like a scared child that wants to hide under the blanket, hoping no one will know she's there. Hoping the monsters won't get her at night. Even though you know someone will obviously see the lump (that is you) underneath the covers, just as long as you don't have to see it, it gives you a false sense of security. It's akin to when a child closes their eyes and thinks people can't see them. Oh, they can see you. They see you're a hot mess. And that's how I feel when it comes to dating, relationships, and being in one with the opposite sex: A HOT MESS.

    Perhaps I am better off not being in any relationship. I just wish I believed myself on that one. I gotta learn to trust somebody or I'm REALLY not going to be in a relationship. I'm equal parts lazy and hesitant when it comes to this. Knowing whom you can trust is a time consuming thing... and even then, you might end up finding out you couldn't trust the person at all! So you STILL end up with nothing, AND you feel like you wasted your time!

    *sigh*

    I just wish I knew how to handle these things like an adult. How come no one teaches you this stuff? This is crap I actually would have wanted to learn in school!

    oh well...

Wednesday, 28 September 2011

  • I need to move or go on vacation

    Why?

    Well... some people want to go on vacation to get away from work, to relax, or they just need to go somewhere else for the sake of being somewhere else.

    Why do I want to go on vacation? I want to go on vacation so someone can hit on me.

    Yep. I said it.

    It just seems that I have more guys trying to talk to me when I'm not at home. Does anyone else know what I'm talking about here? When I think of all of the times that I got hit on or had guys trying to talk to me, I was always away from home. In college, I had guys talking to me here and there. I was still in state when I went to school (both times, actually), but there was a big difference between when I was in high school and  when I went away to school. Granted ,when I went to cooking school, I was commuting... so I was really only about 15-25 miles away from home in University City (if that. I think Center City is 15-20 miles from my house). When I was at cooking school, though... guys talked to me ALL THE TIME. Guys from class, guys on the street, construction workers, taxi drivers, security guards (okay, there was only one security guard)... but you get the point. When I go out of state (like, when I interned in Florida at Disney World or when I went to France both times, particularly the first time), guys went out of their way to talk to me! What is up with this? Whatever is up with it, I need to get out and do something. I need someone talking to me. I can't take this no more. I know I'll be leaving for school next fall (that's a long story because I was supposed to have been gone by NOW), but I can't wait that long. I don't WANT to wait that long. PLEASE get me to some place where some man is going to want to talk to me that I'll actually want to talk to!

    What happens when I'm home? NADA.  I go to work and I go to church. Yes there are men that come and go since I work at a retail store... but most of them come with their girlfriends or wives. Or their children, whom they had with their girlfriends or their wives. So no options there. And the guys that actually WORK at my job (which are few and far in between) are either too young (we're talking they may not be legal), and the ones that ain't are: married and I'm not interested in. It's pitiful. So I don't get to talk to guys anymore. It's depressing as arse! I need a hobby. Or another job. Something. I need to work somewhere where I can meet more guys. This is ridiculous. Please don't even ask about guys at church. All of them are married except for two of them (we aren't counting children and teenagers). The two that ain't married I don't want. I even took a good friend's suggestion and tried looking under the pews to see if any good men had been left that I don't know about. All I got were crazy looks from the dust bunnies.

    It also doesn't help that I get rather guy shy. I need to really perfect the art of getting a guy to talk to ME since I'm far too shy to actually talk to a guy myself. It's pathetic, I know... especially since I'm not shy about most anything else. I don't know if it's because: I'm old fashioned and think a guy that's interested should take the initiative, the guy is also old fashioned and will be turned off by a girl taking the first step... or if I just don't want to be turned down like a bed sheet. Heck, it could be all 3. Either way, this getting no guys thing is taking a serious shot at my confidence. I've been wondering if I'm just plain unattractive. Even if I was, it just can't be possible that NO MAN thinks I'm attractive. So what's wrong, here??

    What's wrong is that your girl is sick and tired. And needs to go on a vacation. One that involves attractive, well sculpted men in grass skirts serving me virgin piña coladas in a coconut.

    Hey, a girl can dream!

    This is why I need a vacation. So men can hit on me. I try not to rely on or feed off of these things... but a girl needs some of that in her life. Let's not even TALK about the last time I've been on a date or a guy flirted with me. We'd be digging into the news archives.

    that is all.

Tuesday, 06 September 2011

  • Hair Paranoia

    Have you ever wanted to get something right so badly that you got paranoid?... and suspicious of everything and anything that you once never questioned? Where is this coming from, you might ask? Why am I starting this entry with so many questions? All right, so here it goes.

    Okay so, I went natural in October of last year (on the 7th, it will have been one year! HUZZAH!). For those of you that don't know what I'm talking about, "going natural" means that you have cut off hair that has gone through chemical processing, and have stopped the chemical processing altogether to allow your hair to grow in its natural state. I had been doing relaxers for YEARS. My unrelaxed hair is the type of curly that holds braids and is known to most as the ever infamous fro. It might look frizzy to most, and be referred to as "nappy"... but if you pull a hair from my head, you'll see a corkscrew curl. I'm a curl girl and I'm not ashamed of it. In fact, I love and embrace it.

    HOWEVER... I've been having an issue as far as what products to use in my hair. I figured if I was going to start wearing my hair the way God made it, I wanted to start using natural products as well. The problem with trying to style your hair using natural products is that you don't know what is and isn't legit. When you finally learn what some of those long words are on the ingredients list on the shampoo bottle... it makes you wonder if anything is safe to use on your hair. So I've actually started thinking about making my own natural shampoo. This way, not only do I KNOW what's going into my hair, I have more control over what I put into it.

    Until I get all the ingredients together, I had been trying a no shampoo method. It involved using baking soda, and enough water to make a paste. You massage it into your scalp, let it sit a moment, then rinse it out thoroughly. My hair seemed to respond nicely to this, and I'm here thinking I'm doing something good for my hair. Come to find out through one of the natural hair groups that I'm in that baking soda is as acidic as a mild relaxer. So I'm treating my hair with the very thing I worked to cut out of my life (ba dum, CHING).

    So... it has come down to this. I actually haven't put anything by way of product in my hair for a couple of weeks (besides the baking soda treatment from a couple of days ago... but I may stop because of paranoia). I've sprayed water in my hair just so I could pick comb it. Other than that, I haven't been doing much. Next week, I hope to be able to get the necessary soap to make shampoo. I'll figure out a conditioner later. But I just hope I'm not being too paranoid, you know?

    I know that there are any number of things that can kill you, and that I shouldn't worry so much about it... but I feel like I only have one shot of living on this earth. Why not give my body, skin, and hair the nutrition it craves and deserves? I think that a lot of the reasons that we suffer certain health ailments is because of what we put onto and into our skin, bodies, and hair. I just want to do the best that I can by being aware of these things. It's just hard sometimes going along that thin line of doing what's right and being paranoid about what's wrong.

    rant ended.

    that is all.


    I think you've all suffered enough.



Saturday, 27 August 2011

  • The Munchies of DOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!

    So Hurricane Irene is supposed to hit us. The National Weather Service issued a hurricane and a flood watch for my area. So what does this mean? This means I am in the house with my family waiting on a storm that's supposed to "ravage" us. Well, all it looks like so far is that some rain has been dumped on us, but I ain't seeing ANY of this stuff we're supposed to get! If there's going to be a storm that keeps me stuck in this house, it better be a GOOD one, gosh darnit!

    So WHAT happens when Rachel is stuck in a house and can't leave??? She takes unnecessary naps and suffers from the munchies of DOOOOOM!!!!!!!!! (insert dramatic echo on the "doom" part). After I took a much unneeded nap, I got hit with a gnarly case of the munchies! I ate cantaloupe and Goldfish cheddar crackers... and they were on the same plate. That is the orangest snacking I've ever done. After this came more Goldfish crackers, then I noshed on some pineapple that's been in the fridge. All of this eating took place between 30 and 60 minutes. That's ridiculous. But this is exactly what happens when I'm left in a house to my own devices. Once I get through with the snacks, I'll probably nosh my way right out of this house... starting with the front door. Hey, it's wood! (Well, at least it looks like wood). I'll get some fiber out of this!

    Really, I have nothing to say other than this. Does anyone have anything to do when you're caged and have cabin fever? Internet ain't cutting it. I need SOMETHING to do besides eat all the food and the sides and door of my house.

    HELP!

Wednesday, 24 August 2011

  • A sort of update

    Not much has been happening lately. I've started really food blogging again, which is exciting for me. It also means that I've been blowing my budget on food related items, but the results are well worth the taste. It's also made me a happier girl because I'm eating things that I actually want to eat for a change. In case some of you are wondering where these food entries are and why you haven't seen any... they're actually on a separate journal... here on xanga. They're actually on LilMizFoodie4891. I've been using stuff from recipes, but I think in next week's entries, I'm gonna go off the beaten path and show you guys foods that I normally cook... or modified versions of family favourites. I'm also gonna show you a fast favourite that I invented when I was hungry and had nothing but some frozen veg and some  kitchen staples. It's nothing special to me... but maybe someone will love it.

    What else has been going on? Well... I did get a cook book for less than $1. That's pretty awesome. I got it at... where else? TJs!!! I had the day off today, so I cooked something out of it and blogged about it. I wanted to make bread too, but I was lazy today. Oh well... I'll definitely try to make it tomorrow. If I had some more chicken, I think I'd make the dish I had today again. It was a very simple dish, but it was simply delicious. Basic, clean flavors... and it was filling and pretty healthy. You can't go wrong with any of those things. Just by cooking that one recipe, I totally got my dollar's worth. Though I just might have to try to baba ganoush recipe. I've never had that before, but the name sounds cool. I'm pretty sure I'll dig it.

    I know I haven't talked about Ernest on here in a minute, but he's doing well. I haven't been able to afford gas this week, so I've been darn near E. I'm going to try to go back and forth to work without putting anything in the tank. I might have to put $10 in to tide me over until payday. I kind of hate to (because I'm extra broke), but I just might have to. There will be no getting to work if I don't have enough gas. I'll end up right on the bus. It ain't the worst thing to ever happen to me, but it's a PAIN having to catch it early when you don't like getting up in the morning. Trust me... I had to do this when I wasn't able to drive my car for a week. I took the bus before I got a car, so it's not a foreign thing to me. I do what I gotta do... but it's easier to do what you gotta do when you don't have to wait on the next bus (which, in the suburbs, has you waiting around for an hour if you miss the bus you need to catch. a mess).

    My nephew (whom is 1-1/2) has been having these serious conversations with me lately. The only reason I think that what he's saying to me is serious is because of the face he makes while talking to me. I listen, but I still haven't figured out what he's trying to tell me. One of these days, it'll make sense. I think.

    I think that's all of the update that I'm going to make at the moment. I need a vacation. I need an honest-to-goodness lazy day. One of those days where you alternate between dozing off and reading, watching tv, playing guitar, or doing something utterly mindless. Like looking at the clouds in the middle of a field. Then you doze off for a little while. Wake up and stare up into the vast blue that is the sky... then doze off again. Maybe eat something good and simple (brie and crackers, grapes, wash it down with sparkling apple cider), feel the dirt and the grass underneath your bare feet. Really, I need to go to Lancaster County or something. I don't have to go far away (though that would be nice, the current budget doesn't allow for this). I just yearn to go to a place that FEELS far away.

    *sigh* In the meantime, I think I could use a nap... even though I did nothing absolutely remarkable today but cook.

    ciao!

Monday, 15 August 2011

  • Pledge of a Fashionista

    I pledge allegiance to the pop of color
    and to looking like a runway diva
    And to Banana Republic, for its classic looks
    Lucky Mag for its fashion advice
    and TJ Maxx, with savings on clothing for fall.

    (you know TJ Maxx had to be involved. I work there, afterall).

    that's it for now. I promise a real entry later. Or I might expand this one. I'm in a silly mood.

Wednesday, 03 August 2011

  • and it ALLLLWAYS goes back to carving coconuts...

    I always come back to this whenever things are stressful. I reevaluate my life, and I ask myself this question:

    what is it that I want out of life?

    my answer? THE HECK IF I KNOW!

    at the moment, I just want to be able to pay my bills. You hear a lot of people complain about bills; but honestly, the only people that complain about bills either don't have the money to pay them, or their bills are too much, and drive them to the point where they don't have the money to pay them.

    I don't think I'd care about paying bills if I had the money to pay them. So WHAT is it that I want to do when I can't pay those bills? Simple. I want to run from them. I bemoan the foolishness that has brought me to this pathetic point, and I fantasize about immigrating to the Bahamas, living in a grass hut on the beach and carving coconuts. It would be a simple life, that's for sure. And I love fish, so I wouldn't mind eating it often. Plus, I like the idea of the laid-back atmosphere of living near a beach. You do work, but there is no grind. I've never seen anyone at a beach being uptight. It might exist, but I sure haven't seen it. Most people there want to be there and enjoy it.

    I said something about all of this on Facebook (of course!), and one guy proposed a better idea than mine. It involved Hawai'i and selling t-shirts to tourists. I like this idea because it would yield more profit than mine... and I wouldn't have to completely give up carving coconuts. I could do it in my spare time. Sure, it's not the Bahamas... but it is an island, which means I'm surrounded by beaches. And, just like my idea, it's beach wear all day and every day. Even to work. Hallelujah.

    however, until I get the money to even GET to Hawai'i and get such a business going... I'm land locked and broke. *sigh*

    It's hard to see now, but this, too, shall pass. though I still like the idea of a beach retreat. sand, sun and swimsuits. I dig it. I'm not all that crazy about wearing shoes anyhow.


Wednesday, 27 July 2011

  • Table For One, Please

    So on Friday going into Saturday, I was miserable. I was feeling more lonesome than usual and having a rougher time with it than usual. I often feel lonesome, but there are times where it's worse than others. Saturday was one of those times. In the middle of my brooding and depressive mood, I thought to myself, "This is ridiculous. Why should I sit here and be miserable? I'm getting out of the house." As is often the case when I'm in such a mood, the solution was to go out for a walk and get something to eat. Whenever I'm in a mood and want to sort out my feelings (or completely ignore them), I take myself out to eat. It always makes me feel better. Never mind that temperatures were soaring towards 100°F, I needed to take a walk. It would help to clear my head... plus, it's not like I was in a rush, and I wouldn't have had to worry about parking (which is a pain in the arse when you go to State St).

    I walked the 3 or 4 miles in the heat (which wasn't as bad as it sounds), and decided on the whim to go to Iron Hill Brewery. I hadn't been there in a while, and I was feeling it. I asked for a table and took a seat. When the waiter came, I ordered a Syrah and gingerly sipped at it while I enjoyed my own company. However, there were people around me that didn't seem to understand that this is what I was doing. As I looked around the dining room, there were people looking at me quizzically like they were utterly baffled. They were probably wondering why this black girl was sitting at a table alone and why she ordered wine in the middle of the day.

    I wondered some things about them, myself: why were they staring at me so? I didn't look especially good or especially bad. Did it ever occur to them that I actually WANTED to be by myself? Or did they just wish they had the balls to dine alone? Why does it bother people to see someone dining by themselves... to the point where they will stop talking with whom they're dining to stare at you? I laughed at them and pitied them for pitying me. It's a shame such sympathy was wasted on someone that didn't need it. If only they knew.

    I ended up ordering bruschetta (sp?) that had a balsamic glaze on it as well as olive oil drizzled over it. I thought it would be pretty good... but I was surprised to find that it was actually VERY good. In fact, it was so good that I had to ask the waiter to give me a minute... because I considered forgoing dessert to order the bruschetta again. I know what you're thinking... why not order it again AND have dessert? The answer is because I'm on a very tight budget. I was already saying "screw the bills" to have this dinner with myself (that was overdue, really). I know I shouldn't be so irresponsible... but my bank account is already shot, and my little bit of money from that last check wasn't going to fix it THIS week. So screw the bills I did. I was past due for a date with myself. By the way, I ended up getting dessert. I couldn't resist the idea of something called the "chocolate bombe".

    When I got this dessert, it looked like a giant truffle with white chocolate drizzled over it, creme anglaise in the middle, and it was surrounded by a moat of raspberry purée. IT WAS GOOD. The beauty of all of this was that the wine I had chosen in the beginning went well with EVERYTHING I ordered. It wasn't the original intention; it just worked out that way. THAT'S when you know you've eaten a good meal. Yeah, I spoiled myself. I ate by myself. And I ain't ashamed or guilty about doing it. If you can't spoil yourself once in a while, I daresay that you're doing yourself a disservice.

    I love how this was supposed to be an entry about dining alone, and I mostly talked about the food. Only a foodie...
    Okay, well, it was sort of about dining alone... and how I enjoy it generally. I actually prefer going out alone because I always know what I want. It's just too much effort to get someone else on board with what I want to do... and also, your friends aren't always available or up to going out. Or, like me these days, they're broke. They're all good reasons not to go out... it's just that I refuse to wait around and be miserable because no one will go out with me. I'll go out by myself and enjoy myself.

    There are times where I wish I was with someone else... but there are also those times where I need space. When I just need to breathe, chill and relax... where I need to let my worries slip away and concentrate on something that I truly enjoy and that makes me feel at peace... and, dare I say it? Happy. Eating alone helps me to do that (shoot, eating in general makes me happy. Let's not kid ourselves). There's no worries, no fears, no stress. Just you and the plate of food in front of you. Good food, reflection, people watching, a good drink... what else could a girl ask for? Maybe some more cash... but hopefully I'll find a solution to that soon enough. But for now... I'll dine alone. Stare if you want, but don't bother feeling sorry. Not for me, at least. I'm thoroughly enjoying myself at a table for one.

    that is all.

Thursday, 21 July 2011

  • Holla To All the "Plain Janes"!

    I recently read an article from Datingish that I thought warranted a response. As I started typing a comment, I saw that it was getting longer and longer. So I thought it would be better for me to write a short response entry rather than to write such a long comment.

    To me, the article sounds like something a woman had written. It was about why women aren't having enough guys hit on them at any given time. It suggested things like: wearing more makeup, wearing more jewelry, and going over the top with your clothing and such to get a man's attention. The writer even went so far as to "diss" women that don't always put forth such herculean efforts. They were condescendingly referred to as "Plain Janes".

    I'm going to stand up for the Plain Janes because I consider myself to be one. I do love dresses and I have my little bit of jewelry that I wear, and it is worn on a tight rotation because I have my favourite pieces. However, I think most women could be characterized as the "plain janes" of the world... according to this article anyway! Here's a link to the article so you can read it. You might want to see what was said before reading my response.

    http://www.datingish.com/753245362/youre-not-getting-hit-on-because-youre-not-foll%E2%80%A6/

    this was my initial response:

    This sounds like a girl wrote this. I do have a couple of issues with it:

    1. makeup does NOT make you prettier. You will have the face the Good Lord gave you no matter HOW MUCH MAKEUP you put on it. All makeup is supposed to do is enhance what you've got. That could be for better or for worse... it will be the latter if you don't know how to use makeup properly. I've heard from more guys than not that less is more. If you're going to wear it, do the bare necessities.

    2. Wearing a ponytail is actually a protective style for hair, and there are many cute and stylish ways to work it. When you have your hair out all the time, you're exposing it to environmental impurities... and this isn't even counting what you're doing to your hair if it's exposed to constant dying or heat styling. Keeping it in a ponytail won't totally cut this out of the picture, but it sure don't hurt. As long as it looks like you put in an effort to keep it looking nice and let it down every once in a while, I don't think guys will care. Honestly, they only care because YOU care.

    3. I would seriously be wondering about a guy if he cared whether or not I wore bangles or earrings one day, and skipped it the next. I feel like that's a girl's way of being a peacock. It sounds like you're using the maneuver of some species in the animal kingdom: may the one with the most stunning display win... or get blinded by your shininess on a sunny day.

    4. When are the times I get hit on the most? When I have the nerve to scuttle out into public LOOKING A HOT MESS. I've gotten hit on wearing sweats, wearing a sweaty chef's uniform with my neckerchief as a scarf (not to mention the stock-stained clogs), and just as I've gotten out of the gym. Something about that appeals to guys. When I've asked, they told me that a girl seems more approachable when she's dressed down. I don't know how true it is, but it seems to work. Most of my girlfriends claim to have been hit on when they looked a mess... or when they thought they didn't look all that special. When they were having a "plain jane" moment.

    In conclusion, I think it's safe to say that the facts need to be straight. If constantly being "dressed" is what makes you happy, go for it. If it's grunging down, then do it. At the end of the day, the guy might not remember what you wore... but he sure will remember your smile or how you carried yourself wearing whatever it is you had on.

    that is all.


sparkletone1684

  • Visit sparkletone1684's Xanga Site
    • Name: Rachel
    • Birthday: 11/10/1984
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 12/6/2002

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About Me

  • Hey, I'm Rach. Hope that my ramblings interest you, or at least amuse you in some way or another. Ciao! :)

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