What makes approaching the opposite sex intimidating? I just always kind of wondered. Specifically, I wondered why men are intimidated when it comes to approaching women... but women are allowed to answer, too. I didn't think I, as a woman, was intimidating. But apparently, I am.

How comes we shrink away when it comes to talking to objects of interest?

who is it really that is obsessed with boobs?

Where did this obsession with this part of the female anatomy come from?? Having conversed with guys about women and what attracts them to a woman, the first thing that they said was NEVER boobs. If I would ask a guy what they loved about women, I've heard smile more often than any other response. The next one under that is usually eyes.

hmm... interesting.

Now, I'm not saying guys don't like boobs (quite the contrary, actually...). On Facebook (such a credible source, I know), I've seen quite a few discussion topics dedicated to this very subject. Contrary to what you might believe, all of the ones I've seen were started by women! They wanted to know how guys felt about a woman's twins, and if there was a size preference. There were many responses... and the results were surprising. The majority of male respondents said that size didn't matter to them that much. There were a few here and there that voiced a preference, and actually, those that did said they preferred a smaller chest size! Hmm. Even if there were those that said they liked bigger or smaller, most men fell into the "it doesn't matter" category. Just as long as she had something, big or small.

So it got me wondering: who is really obsessed with breasts? Why are women going through these plastic surgeries for men that really could care less what chest size a woman is?? Who in the heck told women that having small boobs was unattractive? I'm just wondering what's going on here.

that is all.

I feel unattractive. Very unattractive. Well, let's put it this way: I did feel attractive... but sometimes when you don't feel like anyone else around you agrees (especially the sex that you seek to attract), you start to wonder if you are. I have guy friends that treat me well (probably even spoil me), and there are guys that tell me how much they respect the kind of girl I am. Yet, I see none of them trying to ask me out or date me. They go out and date other people. So honestly, I don't know how to respond when they laud me. While I understand that they are trying to compliment me, it certainly doesn't feel like a compliment; in fact, it's almost insulting to receive such a compliment, and yet, nobody wants to go out with you. So here you are at 1:30 in the morning feeling inadequate. Unattractive. Unsexy. For someone so beautiful.

I wonder if I'd feel better if they hadn't said anything. I just know that... I'm tired of being single. I'm tired of being overlooked and seen as unworthy to date or marry. Yes, a couple of guys have taken me out... but they didn't treat me properly. What is up with that? I shouldn't have to put up with that foolishness.

Maybe I should forget about men and love altogether and get a puppy instead. It looks like a mighty good idea.

You ever have one of those days that's bad... then one little thing happens and it sets you off the edge? that was me today.

I broke 2 of my nails. TWO OF THEM. TWO. I was extra angry about that.

It was a slightly stressful day because it was very, very busy. I got to work at about 9:25. We opened the store at 9:30. I wasn't awake until after my first break... which was at like, 10:45ish. I say "ish" because it was sometime after that since it was that busy. The break was 15 mins long, so I was finally almost awake after 11.

One lady either didn't have tags or she had questions about prices. It was quite a few items... and the woman that does tickets was already running around like she was crazy. I was feeling annoyed because I didn't know how to check any of this stuff myself... or I would have. I'm sure she was sick of hearing my voice by the end of the day. Unfortunately, there were a lot of things that were mismarked. I wasn't the only one having this problem. I have no idea who did markdowns, but they must've been lunching for there to be that many mistakes. It was pretty bad.

I took my lunch break, and felt a bit better. I figured maybe I was just crabby because I was hungry. It's entirely possible, knowing me. I didn't have breakfast this morning.

The day goes on. We got slammed, and not in the way that I would like to be.

In the midst of all this, then it happened... first one nail went. Then the second was chipped. That was it. Then something in my brain completely snapped... and I did the one thing I could think to do at that time. I laughed. I was so angry I could have screamed. I almost yelled "fish paste" like Spongebob does in frustration. Sadly, that's how much Spongebob I watch that I would think to yell something like that. I didn't yell it, but it was a much better option than what I felt like screaming for everyone to hear. I didn't yell any of that either.

My car has crickets, and I don't know why. I haven't been using cheap gas on it lately, so that shouldn't be the problem. It says it needs oil, but the oil gauge jumps a lot... so I don't know how much I believe the car. At any rate, I put oil in it. Hopefully, that will help and it will silence the crickets. I think it just likes to be surly at times because it's old. It had best get over itself.

Yes, this was a griping entry, but oh well. It was that kind of a day.

but... the Lord is good and tomorrow is another day. Another day that will undoubtedly be better than today based on how bad this one was.

okay, that's all. (I'm sure you're all like THANK GOD. Even those of you that don't believe in Him).

~Rachel

This is in reference about how I feel about my physical attractiveness. Read it if you want, but be aware that it is a rant.

Yesterday, our church had this big youth event. I decided to wear contacts and wear make up. Mostly because I was hoping the makeup would hide the bags under my eyes. I wore my favorite pair of sunglasses, and was off to spend the day doing what needed to be done, eating junk food, and socializing in between. It was a lovely time, and it felt a lot like a big picnic. Towards the end of things, when it was time to clean up and all, my eyes were starting to burn from my eyes being too dry, and from the mascara and eyeliner I had on getting into them. So I took the contacts out and donned my glasses. A man at church saw me wearing my glasses, took them off of my face, and said "I like this way better." He went on to say that I was a beautiful young lady. Honestly, I don't know how I felt... but flattered wasn't it. I felt put on-the-spot, and I never would've guessed that he would notice me. When I'm at church, it feels like no one ever does. So when I actually do go to the nines, it really isn't to get attention; I do it to make myself feel good. When people notice though, especially if these people happen to be married and male, I feel awkward, flustered, and rather guilty. I didn't mean for them to notice.

I should be glad for the attention, but in all honesty, I don't like it. Why? I don't like the looks. When I put in a good amount of effort, I can look good. Really good. I'm well aware of it. I also know that going the extra mile to be put together means that I should be prepared for the compliments as well as the sideways glances and the "cut up" eyes from women. I'm never ready for it. So when I'm really dressed up, I don't really talk to anybody. It's not because I think I'm all that cute (even though I am). It's just that I don't want to face their reactions head-on. It's because I don't want people to feel some type of way towards me because I wanted to look nice that day. I guess I don't want to know who is for me and who isn't. I had a friend in high school that would refuse to talk to me whenever I would dress up. I even tried being my very nicest to her, and she still wouldn't talk to me. So I had to stop being friends with her. We mustn't have had much of a friendship in the first place if that's how she would be when I would look cute on the rare occasion that I did so in school.

I also still (STILL!) have a hard time facing facts with how beautiful I am. It's not that I'm any more or less beautiful than anyone else. Maybe I just wear mine well... because I love the skin I'm in. I am attractive, though. Male attention made me feel awkward and embarrassed for so long, that at one point, I refused to look nice. In college, it was really something if I wore a fitted sweater. Even though I wanted to wear things that fit nicely, I didn't like the attention I got from men. I would blush, get flustered, and feel like crying. I especially didn't want other women to hear them compliment me... because then would come the glances. Then would come the looks, the rolling of eyes, and all of the other things that women would hurl at me to silently voice their disdain. I especially hated it when a girl's boyfriend, husband, or whomever would say things. I've had married men (2 of which were fathers to a couple of my friends) outright hit on me. It makes me feel like a horrible person. I would never take a woman's man from her!... because I would never want any woman to do that to me. That stuff you sow will have a way of coming right back to you. Also, I know how hurt I would feel if some woman was trying to take my man (if I had one). I would never. Never. EVER. do that to another woman. No matter how mean she is or how much she may hate me. That is and will never be in me to do.

When these taken men would flirt with me, I felt exposed, guilty, and horrible. Like I had done something terribly wrong for these men to be hitting on me. Besides that, I was only about 16 at the time! I melted down, hid behind my glasses and sweats, and for years, I would not come out. I did get over it at some point, but I felt it creeping on me again, especially at my church, where I do a lot of background work and don't get noticed. I hid behind the frames, wouldn't wear makeup unless it was on a whim, and just didn't care about what I wore anymore... which is NOT me. But this man at church decided to call me out. I've got to stop hiding it. No matter what I do, people will notice anyway. Men will still hit on me, and some women will still hate it.

So I will pray. I will pray to my Father God in heaven. I won't rant angrily to Him anymore about the male attention. I won't condemn myself for something that I honestly and truly wasn't trying to do... and feel so guilty about what I didn't do that I am reduced to tears. I will ask God why. Why He made me this way. Why He decided to make me in such a way that no matter what, men want to talk to me... and how I can use the gift of my beauty for His glory rather than hiding it or resenting it. I will also try to be more confident when I look good. I know that sounds retarded, but let's say it like this: I will talk to people when I look good. That way, they won't find me haughty. If they want to say that I am anyhow, then I can say it won't be because I came off that way. Besides, people aren't complimenting me to put me on-the-spot. Most compliments given to me are genuine. I just don't know how to receive it. I will try my very best though... because God made me beautiful, and I dare not hide that under a bushel any longer.

that is all. (sorry it was long, y'all!).