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Friday, 30 October 2009

  • QOTD

    What makes approaching the opposite sex intimidating? I just always kind of wondered. Specifically, I wondered why men are intimidated when it comes to approaching women... but women are allowed to answer, too. I didn't think I, as a woman, was intimidating. But apparently, I am.

    How comes we shrink away when it comes to talking to objects of interest?

Wednesday, 28 October 2009

  • The Nothing Blog

    This is going to be one of those entries where I am updating because I feel like I should... but really don't know what I'm supposed to say. So... the nothing blog.

    Well, this isn't really nothing. It's something, but nothing of importance, substance, or consequence. Well, it does have substance... but it's not what most would consider something of substance. It is something, because clearly, I am writing here. However, it's not anything that would be earth-shattering if it weren't posted, or that is about any drama surrounding my life. Which is why I say that it's nothing. Is it nothing, really? What is nothing? The absence of something? In the instances that we refer to something as nothing, it's still something. So does nothing really exist.

    I'm just rambling now. I think it's because I'm tired... and it's more fun to write about this than to think about what I'm thinking about. That's for sure and certain. Feel free not to comment on this. I know it's rather pathetic.

    That is all.

Monday, 05 October 2009

  • Rachel wonders...

    who is it really that is obsessed with boobs?

    Where did this obsession with this part of the female anatomy come from?? Having conversed with guys about women and what attracts them to a woman, the first thing that they said was NEVER boobs. If I would ask a guy what they loved about women, I've heard smile more often than any other response. The next one under that is usually eyes.

    hmm... interesting.

    Now, I'm not saying guys don't like boobs (quite the contrary, actually...). On Facebook (such a credible source, I know), I've seen quite a few discussion topics dedicated to this very subject. Contrary to what you might believe, all of the ones I've seen were started by women! They wanted to know how guys felt about a woman's twins, and if there was a size preference. There were many responses... and the results were surprising. The majority of male respondents said that size didn't matter to them that much. There were a few here and there that voiced a preference, and actually, those that did said they preferred a smaller chest size! Hmm. Even if there were those that said they liked bigger or smaller, most men fell into the "it doesn't matter" category. Just as long as she had something, big or small.

    So it got me wondering: who is really obsessed with breasts? Why are women going through these plastic surgeries for men that really could care less what chest size a woman is?? Who in the heck told women that having small boobs was unattractive? I'm just wondering what's going on here.

    that is all.


Friday, 25 September 2009

  • My mind has been...

    ...on one thing and one thing only. I can't take it anymore; if I don't do something about this, I'm gonna crack. I'm going to remedy the situation tomorrow.

    I have the bug... and I gotta shop!!!!!

    While I was at work yesterday, I was thinking of how I was going to use my check. There are a few things that I need to pay that I fully intend to take care of; however, these are not the things that ran across my mind. I started thinking of how I could use a long sleeve shirt since I really don't have that many... and how there was a very cute plaid one that was $12.99. But I can't just get that shirt by itself! It's kind of long and I think I'd like tights to wear with it. Not only would they be tights that I'd wear with that shirt, but that I could wear with a few shirts I already own that are long. Plus there's a tunic dress that would rock with tights on. There's also a looseleaf rooibos tea that I'd like to have, and now... Mrs. Ann has gotten it in my head to buy nail polish. And what color do I want?? Black. Yes folks... black. I have NEVER worn or owned black nail polish. Why do I want to start now? Well... it's one of the few funky colors that has yet to grace my nails. I think it would look pretty cool.

    I've tried and tried for the last two days to push these thoughts out of my mind... but to no avail. The idea to shop must have been firmly rooted in my mind. The reason I say this is because when I went to leave my job today, instead of going to the register to get my purse checked and heading out... when I got upstairs from the break room onto the sales floor, I was rerouted and made a sudden left. When I finally came to, the next thing I know, I was standing next to the shelf of beauty products with the sparkly black nail polish in my hand. It was even nicer than I had thought; it had sparkles in it! I blinked for a second. What am I doing back here?! I'm supposed to be going home! I'm not supposed to be shopping! Darnit!!

    I forced myself to put the nail polish back down, did an about face, and hurried to the register before I was hit and hit hard by the urge to splurge. That was the hardest thing I've ever done. Even then, I thought about turning back claiming to forget something, then buying all of the stuff that I wanted. I need help. Though to be honest, I don't know what I need help with more: the urge to spend money (especially when I'm upset, I resort to retail therapy), or help spending money when I actually do need something. When I actually DO need something, I often get so paranoid about not having money that I become tight-fisted. Either way... I need something. Probably a hobby. One that isn't going to burn a crater in my pocket.

    Now don't go getting it twisted, y'all... I am responsible. I won't forgo bills to get something frivolous. However, there are those time where I just like to shop. I haven't done any real shopping in a LOOOOOONNNG time. I think I'm just having a shopping spell. I get those every once in a while. I could also be turning to a little retail therapy since I've been going through it a bit. I think when both are in cahoots with each other, it makes the shopping bug stronger and less resistant to reasoning and the balance of an account. *sigh* I don't know.

    Just thought I'd share that. I wanted to update, and this was the only thing that's been on my mind. I will be shopping tomorrow before work. After that though... I'll have to suck it up and epoxy my pockets shut.

    that is all.

Tuesday, 15 September 2009

  • "I feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful"

    I feel unattractive. Very unattractive. Well, let's put it this way: I did feel attractive... but sometimes when you don't feel like anyone else around you agrees (especially the sex that you seek to attract), you start to wonder if you are. I have guy friends that treat me well (probably even spoil me), and there are guys that tell me how much they respect the kind of girl I am. Yet, I see none of them trying to ask me out or date me. They go out and date other people. So honestly, I don't know how to respond when they laud me. While I understand that they are trying to compliment me, it certainly doesn't feel like a compliment; in fact, it's almost insulting to receive such a compliment, and yet, nobody wants to go out with you. So here you are at 1:30 in the morning feeling inadequate. Unattractive. Unsexy. For someone so beautiful.

    I wonder if I'd feel better if they hadn't said anything. I just know that... I'm tired of being single. I'm tired of being overlooked and seen as unworthy to date or marry. Yes, a couple of guys have taken me out... but they didn't treat me properly. What is up with that? I shouldn't have to put up with that foolishness.

    Maybe I should forget about men and love altogether and get a puppy instead. It looks like a mighty good idea.



Thursday, 10 September 2009

  • Do people have something against...

    ... driving the speed limit?? Seriously!!!

    I was like a lot of people that didn't really care anything about strictly obeying the speed limit. I generally didn't speed 10 mph above it, but I felt that as long as you were pretty close to the speed limit, it wasn't a big deal. That is, until I got caught and pulled over for speeding. I had no idea how darn expensive those tickets were! TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS... FOR SPEEDING!!!!! If you looked at the part where there was the actual infraction, it was like 1/2 of what the ticket was, if that. The real cost was hidden in the fees, which are right there in yellow and black. I couldn't believe it! Me!... little innocent me got pulled over... BY A COP... FOR SPEEDING! I was soooooo embarrassed. I also thought a downhill slope was such an unfair place for a speeding trap. Nonetheless, there it was, and I got caught.

    After that, mostly because I'm cheap, I decided to be stricter about following the speed limit. I've been pretty good with it. However, I didn't realize how many people don't follow the speed limit until I started doing it. If you decide to go the speed limit, people will tailgate you, try to drive around you... almost hit you because they were careening around a corner. Thankfully, I've never had to deal with anyone really nasty on the road, but you should take note of the cars that will swerve into the next lane and fly by you (then cut back in front of you. jerks.) while you're on the road or the highway. It's ridiculous.

    There are things that I've done to "handle" these situations, and I admit that they are highly obnoxious things to do. For example, if someone is riding me and I'm already going like 5 mph over the speed limit, I'll slow down to like 5 miles under and just crawl. They will be up on you and look like they're trying to swerve around you. Some will actually slow down so they aren't so close, but it's not always the case. I'm really waiting for someone to break a traffic law and go into the opposite side of the road to pass me. If it does happen, I hope a cop witnesses the whole thing. I'd ride slowly past the pulled over prick and laugh my behind off. I know... I'm mean.

    I'll also actually slow down on yellow lights and stop instead of zooming through them. Heck, some people fly through red lights! I happened to be looking in the rear view mirror 2 days ago when I did this, and the woman threw her hand up when I slowed down on the yellow light (go figure!). It's like "well lady, goodness forbid that I should actually obey a traffic law! *gasp* I'm sorry you didn't plan ahead well enough and that you're going to be late for yoga class."

    like I said, I'm mean. I'm well aware of this.

    Has anyone else ever noticed this? Have you noticed how many people don't obey traffic laws? Does it sometimes annoy you when cops aren't around when someone pulls something REALLY ridiculous?

    that is all.

Saturday, 05 September 2009

  • Much Ado About Nothing

    You ever have one of those days that's bad... then one little thing happens and it sets you off the edge? that was me today.

    I broke 2 of my nails. TWO OF THEM. TWO. I was extra angry about that.

    It was a slightly stressful day because it was very, very busy. I got to work at about 9:25. We opened the store at 9:30. I wasn't awake until after my first break... which was at like, 10:45ish. I say "ish" because it was sometime after that since it was that busy. The break was 15 mins long, so I was finally almost awake after 11.

    One lady either didn't have tags or she had questions about prices. It was quite a few items... and the woman that does tickets was already running around like she was crazy. I was feeling annoyed because I didn't know how to check any of this stuff myself... or I would have. I'm sure she was sick of hearing my voice by the end of the day. Unfortunately, there were a lot of things that were mismarked. I wasn't the only one having this problem. I have no idea who did markdowns, but they must've been lunching for there to be that many mistakes. It was pretty bad.

    I took my lunch break, and felt a bit better. I figured maybe I was just crabby because I was hungry. It's entirely possible, knowing me. I didn't have breakfast this morning.

    The day goes on. We got slammed, and not in the way that I would like to be.

    In the midst of all this, then it happened... first one nail went. Then the second was chipped. That was it. Then something in my brain completely snapped... and I did the one thing I could think to do at that time. I laughed. I was so angry I could have screamed. I almost yelled "fish paste" like Spongebob does in frustration. Sadly, that's how much Spongebob I watch that I would think to yell something like that. I didn't yell it, but it was a much better option than what I felt like screaming for everyone to hear. I didn't yell any of that either.

    My car has crickets, and I don't know why. I haven't been using cheap gas on it lately, so that shouldn't be the problem. It says it needs oil, but the oil gauge jumps a lot... so I don't know how much I believe the car. At any rate, I put oil in it. Hopefully, that will help and it will silence the crickets. I think it just likes to be surly at times because it's old. It had best get over itself.

    Yes, this was a griping entry, but oh well. It was that kind of a day.

    but... the Lord is good and tomorrow is another day. Another day that will undoubtedly be better than today based on how bad this one was.

    okay, that's all. (I'm sure you're all like THANK GOD. Even those of you that don't believe in Him).

    ~Rachel

Saturday, 08 August 2009

  • In Memory of Pop-pop

    Hey guys. This entry is going to be what I wrote to say at my grandfather's funeral. This is the most recent thing that's been going on with me lately. My grandfather died last week, and was buried yesterday at Indian Run National Cemetery. I had never witness a military style burial save on tv, and it was nice (given the circumstances). My Pop-Pop was more to me than my granddad; he filled in as a dad also for me and my sister. So here are the words that I wrote and eventually spoke at my grandfather's funeral the day before the burial.
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

        “The words spoken at a funeral are spoken much too late for the one that has died… if he were here right now, if he could hear what I say, I would congratulate him for being a great man, and thank him for being a friend.”   

    When I got word that my Pop-Pop had died at around 3 am Thursday night/Friday morning, it was a bit of a shock. More than feeling the shock of it, I felt a sense of relief because now my grandfather’s suffering was ended. I thought I would feel sad and cry, but instead, many good memories flooded into my head. I remember saying “Wow God… I am so blessed to have so many good memories with my grandfather.” Then I began to really think about all of the memories that I had recalled, and all of them had something in common: they all showed me some attribute of my grandfather. It was not only the things I had done with him that I’ll miss, but also the kind of person he was. It is these things that I want to share with you.   

    The first thing that I can say about my Pop-Pop is that he always made you laugh. Whether he was doing something or saying something, he was always making you laugh. Like the one time after he had his first surgery… less than 24 hours later, when he came out of the anesthesia, he called us up asking us for apple pie. We all got a good laugh out of that. It was then that we knew he would be all right. Soon after he got out of the hospital, he was at the bowling alley. None of us were able to figure out how he could bowl since he couldn’t lift the ball at the time… but sure enough, when we asked Nana where he was, she told us he went bowling. One of his best pranks, and mom will always tell it if you ask her, was when he did “the great shoe exchange”. There were several of us at the house, and I had bought over a shoe box with a brand new pair of shoes in it. I gave the box to Pop-Pop so he could see them, since he had helped by them. I left the box with him and started talking to the other people that were in the room. At some point, Pop-Pop asked me to show everyone my shoes. I wondered why he asked me to do this, but I didn’t question it either. I took the box and announced to everyone that I was going to show them my new pair of shoes. Boy was I surprised to see that my new black shoes had been replaced with an old, beat up pair of his sneakers. We all laughed hard. That was one of the best pranks he ever pulled.   

    Another thing that was wonderful about Pop-Pop was his way of saying things. There are some things that you would only hear from Pop-Pop. Like, how he always liked calling people “bats”, how he always told the joke of the 2-humped camel and the one-humped camel that had a baby with no humps named Humphrey, how he would say good bye to you by saying “see you later alligator”, to which we replied “after while crocodile”… and lastly, how he always told us not to be asteperious. To this day, I still haven’t figured out what it means… but I’m still trying not to be so.   

    Lastly, I wanted to mention one of the most important things that made my Pop-Pop who he was… and it was that he was a giver. Even when he didn’t acknowledge God, he was a very generous giver. He may not give you the shirt off his own back, but if he had an extra one and you needed it, he would surely give it to you, and ask if you had pants to go with it. I remember the countless rides that he has given us, the food that he’s fed us with, the money, and the clothes, shoes, and other necessities that he has given us to make sure that we weren’t in need, or in want. He was also great at giving Christmas gifts, and gave them in plenty. I remember telling people that I didn’t need a boyfriend because I had a Pop-Pop. If he couldn’t get me exactly what I asked for, he would get pretty darn close to it… and then add some extra goodies in as well. I, and I’m sure many others, will not forget all of the times he’s helped us out when we needed something.   

    So in conclusion, these are the things that made me love Pop-Pop, and the things that I will miss about him the most. Although there are people in the world that are giving, outspoken, and hilarious, there was none quite like him. His brand of humor and his personality are what we loved about him, what we’re remembering and celebrating today, and what we’ll always remember about him… and miss now that he’s gone. “The words spoken at a funeral are spoken much too late for the one that has died. So if Pop-Pop were here right now, if he could hear what I say, I’d congratulate him for being a great man, and thank him for being a friend.”

    ****************************************

    that is all.

Sunday, 26 July 2009

  • Called Out Of Hiding

    This is in reference about how I feel about my physical attractiveness. Read it if you want, but be aware that it is a rant.

    Yesterday, our church had this big youth event. I decided to wear contacts and wear make up. Mostly because I was hoping the makeup would hide the bags under my eyes. I wore my favorite pair of sunglasses, and was off to spend the day doing what needed to be done, eating junk food, and socializing in between. It was a lovely time, and it felt a lot like a big picnic. Towards the end of things, when it was time to clean up and all, my eyes were starting to burn from my eyes being too dry, and from the mascara and eyeliner I had on getting into them. So I took the contacts out and donned my glasses. A man at church saw me wearing my glasses, took them off of my face, and said "I like this way better." He went on to say that I was a beautiful young lady. Honestly, I don't know how I felt... but flattered wasn't it. I felt put on-the-spot, and I never would've guessed that he would notice me. When I'm at church, it feels like no one ever does. So when I actually do go to the nines, it really isn't to get attention; I do it to make myself feel good. When people notice though, especially if these people happen to be married and male, I feel awkward, flustered, and rather guilty. I didn't mean for them to notice.

    I should be glad for the attention, but in all honesty, I don't like it. Why? I don't like the looks. When I put in a good amount of effort, I can look good. Really good. I'm well aware of it. I also know that going the extra mile to be put together means that I should be prepared for the compliments as well as the sideways glances and the "cut up" eyes from women. I'm never ready for it. So when I'm really dressed up, I don't really talk to anybody. It's not because I think I'm all that cute (even though I am). It's just that I don't want to face their reactions head-on. It's because I don't want people to feel some type of way towards me because I wanted to look nice that day. I guess I don't want to know who is for me and who isn't. I had a friend in high school that would refuse to talk to me whenever I would dress up. I even tried being my very nicest to her, and she still wouldn't talk to me. So I had to stop being friends with her. We mustn't have had much of a friendship in the first place if that's how she would be when I would look cute on the rare occasion that I did so in school.

    I also still (STILL!) have a hard time facing facts with how beautiful I am. It's not that I'm any more or less beautiful than anyone else. Maybe I just wear mine well... because I love the skin I'm in. I am attractive, though. Male attention made me feel awkward and embarrassed for so long, that at one point, I refused to look nice. In college, it was really something if I wore a fitted sweater. Even though I wanted to wear things that fit nicely, I didn't like the attention I got from men. I would blush, get flustered, and feel like crying. I especially didn't want other women to hear them compliment me... because then would come the glances. Then would come the looks, the rolling of eyes, and all of the other things that women would hurl at me to silently voice their disdain. I especially hated it when a girl's boyfriend, husband, or whomever would say things. I've had married men (2 of which were fathers to a couple of my friends) outright hit on me. It makes me feel like a horrible person. I would never take a woman's man from her!... because I would never want any woman to do that to me. That stuff you sow will have a way of coming right back to you. Also, I know how hurt I would feel if some woman was trying to take my man (if I had one). I would never. Never. EVER. do that to another woman. No matter how mean she is or how much she may hate me. That is and will never be in me to do.

    When these taken men would flirt with me, I felt exposed, guilty, and horrible. Like I had done something terribly wrong for these men to be hitting on me. Besides that, I was only about 16 at the time! I melted down, hid behind my glasses and sweats, and for years, I would not come out. I did get over it at some point, but I felt it creeping on me again, especially at my church, where I do a lot of background work and don't get noticed. I hid behind the frames, wouldn't wear makeup unless it was on a whim, and just didn't care about what I wore anymore... which is NOT me. But this man at church decided to call me out. I've got to stop hiding it. No matter what I do, people will notice anyway. Men will still hit on me, and some women will still hate it.

    So I will pray. I will pray to my Father God in heaven. I won't rant angrily to Him anymore about the male attention. I won't condemn myself for something that I honestly and truly wasn't trying to do... and feel so guilty about what I didn't do that I am reduced to tears. I will ask God why. Why He made me this way. Why He decided to make me in such a way that no matter what, men want to talk to me... and how I can use the gift of my beauty for His glory rather than hiding it or resenting it. I will also try to be more confident when I look good. I know that sounds retarded, but let's say it like this: I will talk to people when I look good. That way, they won't find me haughty. If they want to say that I am anyhow, then I can say it won't be because I came off that way. Besides, people aren't complimenting me to put me on-the-spot. Most compliments given to me are genuine. I just don't know how to receive it. I will try my very best though... because God made me beautiful, and I dare not hide that under a bushel any longer.

    that is all. (sorry it was long, y'all!).

Saturday, 18 July 2009

  • All Twisted Up In The Game

    anyone get the reference for my entry title?

    It was just all too appropriate for how I was today. I was a hot mess... over a guy. That I thought was cute. Let me start from the beginning.

    This morning, I went into work. Before that though, I went to Starbucks to pick up a quick breakfast. The barista that I mentioned from my last entry was there today. Due to the comments that 2 of you guys left on my last entry (youse know who you are), I decided to make a move towards him. We looked into each others' eyes and flirted, as per usual. I was having a serious hearing problem, and on top of that, was grinning like a complete fool. I somehow managed to order an espresso and a muffin. While waiting for my espresso to come out, I fiddled around in my purse. I was fortunate enough to find a blank piece of paper. Score! I asked the woman next to me for a pen, and thankfully, she had one. Double score! I had paid with cash, so I had a dollar. This was SO gonna be smooth! I jotted down my number for him (with his name on the paper), put it in the dollar, and put it in the tip box (it had no top. No worries folks). So on my way out, I dropped it in there, and while I was saying good bye, I told him to check his tips. Even though my heart was racing and I was shaking more than a massage chair, it was about as smooth as it sounded... up until I realized I didn't know where my muffin was! Ahhhh! This is what happens to me when I'm around guys I like. I'm bound to do something retarded. So I'm looking around for the muffin, and asked the woman whose pen I had borrowed if she saw a bag around. Her daughter (God bless that child) asked if I had put it in my purse. Lo and behold, there it was. I had to laugh at myself. Hard. It was one of my most awkward moments. I laughed a lot (very nervously), and without looking his way, turned heel and all but ran out of the store. My heart was still racing, and now my face was red... AND I COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING!!!!! Have mercy, who knew doing something like that would be SO HARD! Well, all right... it wasn't hard. I am just hopelessly awkward with stuff like this. Hopefully, the cool points went out the window because mine would have been in the negative after that performance!

    It doesn't stop there though y'all... it only gets worse. I had to eat the muffin later because: 1. I was so busy flirting that I was late, and 2. when I tossed the espresso down my throat, I had the jitters so badly that I thought it was going to make a u-turn and come right back up. Thankfully, it didn't. But it took me FOREVER to get calm. When I finally felt like I was, along comes this guy (not the first one)... and he was BEA-U-TI-FUL! Let me reiterate that: BEA-U-TI-FUL!!!!!!!! I'm normally not shy, but when a guy is a certain level of fineness, my mouth shuts. I get jittery... so much so, that I shake and get very, very shy and nervous. He wasn't even at my register (but the returns register next to me), and I was in awe of his beauty. I gawked a bit (bad form, I know!!!) and tried to busy myself with something else so he wouldn't see me staring like that. So he does his return, and goes out to look for something else. THEN he comes back to the purchase line to buy something else. And WHO ends up waiting on this gorgeous hunk of a man? *points thumbs at self* THIS GIRL. That poor guy. I think he was even trying to flirt with me, but I was so nervous that I was shaking again, and could barely look up at his face. I'm sure he thought I was stupid. I was smiling much too hard and was trying not to blurt out that I thought he was hot. Because it was right there. And a couple of times... I was too close to saying it. I think that was the longest transaction of my life... and he only had 3 items. In case y'all were wondering, I was at least not giggling. Thank the Lord for that. By time he left, my face was hot and I had started to sweat a bit.

    When did I get so awkward around guys?! Me! The same girl that was rolling with guy all summer long a couple of summers ago! What has happened to me?!

    As if this wasn't bad enough... it gets worse. I was misreading numbers, sent this customer on a search for something because I thought I had scanned the item and the numbers were wrong (I hadn't even scanned the item. I did this twice to two different people), and I broke a cash register. Yes, you read that right. Towards the end of the shift, I did something to it, and the screen went black. The manager had to call the manufacturer because he could not fix it. This was about 30-40 mins before my shift was about to end. When I left, the manager was still on the phone. It was BAD. Horrible! I'm not allowed to ask guys out before my shifts anymore. Not if it ends like THAT.

    So yeah. That was my day today. I'm still laughing at the way I behaved all day today. But it'll SO be worth it if he decides to give me a call.

    "these are the tales of a girl who is sprung, who's waiting around hoping her phone will be rung."

    that is all.



sparkletone1684

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    • Name: Rachel
    • Birthday: 11/10/1984
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 12/6/2002

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  • Hey, I'm Rach. Hope that my ramblings interest you, or at least amuse you in some way or another. Ciao! :)

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